Christmas Jokes for Linux/Unix Geeks

We hope you've enjoyed the “The 12 Bugs of Software” we've posted last week. As promised, we will keep the tech jokes coming because it's the season to be jolly (falalalala lalalala).

Our next set of jokes will surely tickle some of our geeky readers’ funny bones. Now get ready for some classic Linux/Unix Christmas humor:

The Twelve Days of UNIX
Lyrics: Evan Leibovitch [evan@telly.on.ca]

On the first day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
A burnt-out V.D.T.

On the second day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the third day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the fourth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the fifth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the sixth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the seventh day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the eighth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the ninth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Nine floppies frying;
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the tenth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Ten ports a-jamming;
Nine floppies frying;
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the eleventh day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Eleven chips a-smoking;
Ten ports a-jamming;
Nine floppies frying;
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.

On the twelfth day I left it, my Unix gave to me:
Twelve boards a-blowing;
Eleven chips a-smoking;
Ten ports a-jamming;
Nine floppies frying;
Eight gettys dying;
Seven blown partitions;
Six bad controllers;
Five core dumps;
Four bad blocks;
Three heads crashed;
Two faulty tapes;
And a burnt-out V.D.T.


Santa Claus is Coming To Geek Town

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | grep bad || good
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}


Similarities Between Santa and Sysadmins

1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.

3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."

5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.

7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.

10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.