Christmas Jokes For IT Professionals: Let us loosen up a bit because it is time once again for our annual Christmas season jokes. This is all for the spirit of fun with the hope of making everyone jolly.To those who don’t have a sense of humor, we warn you to not read any further. But to those of you who have, sit back, relax, read and enjoy our jokes. So after our Microsoft jokes, here are some Christmas jokes for IT professionals:
-by Timothy Haight
“‘Tis the night before Christmas,”, I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet, all crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data, all trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
had erased DLLs Windows needed to run,
on 84 desktops, way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem,” I thought, "I'm set up with RAID 5.".
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Hard disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought, "I've tape backup to thank.”
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I started to shout!
But nobody heard as I vented my rage,
My gurus were all on vacation those days,
And nobody's tech support answered the phone.
I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone,
When out at reception, I heard a soft knock.
As the hands just touched midnight on my desktop clock...
"What's your problem?", he asked,
"Never mind, friend, I know.
I checked out your network five hours ago.
I did some proactive analysis, so
I knew that this time bomb was going to blow."
Who was this guy? Who did he think that he was?
He was dressed in red coveralls, white beard, and black gloves.
His eyes had the twinkle of technical genius.
His smile cut down personal distance between us.
He spread out his tools, and went straight to his work.
"Whoever configured this network's a jerk.",
He said with a :-)> as he quickly rebooted,
Uploaded some software, and smoothly rerouted
The LAN to a WAN that he quickly supplied
With bandwidth at least 20 gigabits wide
That went via wireless, I think, LEO,
to tech support elves waiting at the North Pole.
"Now bridging, now routing, now Ethernet hubs!”
He chanted as each piece of hardware he rubbed.
"Cheer up, my good friend!
Lose that mindset so tragic!
Technology often looks just like some magic
To people who don't understand what we do.
Now a switch, emulation, now middleware glue!
Look at the protocols, check one or two,
Debug a bit, test a bit, presto! We're through!"
My data was back! Every system checked out!
Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about.
"How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!"
He said, "Really, my friend, it's not such a great trick,
If you don't give up hope, focus on what you're doing,
And read all your issues of NETWORK COMPUTING."
And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer were coursing,
"Merry Christmas to all! And consider outsourcing!"
---END---
Funny C/C++ declaration
/* All this was done on August 17, 2007 by Pietro Gagliardi
You are free to use this code in a citation or (if you have the guts)
in your own program; just please mention me. */
typedef int number;
class microsoft : public corporation, public enemy<(number) 1> {
public:
microsoft()
{
sanity = 200;
bill_gates = drop_out();
ceo = bill_gates;
while (sanity > 2) {
sleep(2);
sanity--;
}
steve_ballmer = new class doofus;
}
#define our int
#define SUCCESS 1
our year_2007_goals()
{
delete bill_gates;
ceo = steve_ballmer;
sanity -= 200;
return SUCCESS;
}
protected:
int sanity;
class doofus ceo, bill_gates, steve_ballmer;
};
typedef int iq;
const iq of_steve_ballmer = -4, of_steve_jobs = MENSA_MINIMUM - 1,
of_linus_torvalds = MENSA_MINIMUM, of_bill_gates = UNDEFINED;
/* Here are some that make use of the preprocessor and the Unix programming interface */
#include
#define middle
middle class businessMan {
ino_t want_to_go_to_work;
#if speeding_to_work_because_you_are_late
off_t o_jail;
#endif
};
class mate
{
ino_t wannagotoskool;
};
class woman {
#define be
private:
be friend class of_girls;
off_t o_the_mall()
{
for (;;)
mall.go_to(rand()).shop();
}
};
class clown {
!friend class teacher;
friend class mate;
};
---END---
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
#Submitted by Steve Wainstead
#!/bin/santash
# Santa Claus is coming to town
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa_claus <>town
cat /etc/passwd > list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >coal
cat list | grep nice >gift
santa_claus <>town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for goodness_sake; do
be_good;
done
---END---
Extra:
Are you gay enough for Christmas?
LOL.. A great one jun! I just can't stop laughing.
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